What the Caged Bird Isn't Singing

Why our nation is doomed....

Two words:

Big Bird.

Now you may all be laughing right now, shaking your heads and wondering how on earth a cuddly yellow bird could possibly be responsible for the eventual downfall of America. Well, friends, I intend to tell you.

It’s really quite obvious when you think about it. Sesame Street has been around since 1969. That should make the characters that have been on it the entire time (Big Bird included) 40 years old this year. Did the beloved birdie turn 40 however? Definitely not.

Instead of having their characters age like normal individuals on any other street that isn’t Sesamied on earth the Sesame Street gang have decided that Big Bird should turn the same age each year. Until 1991 Big Bird had been four years old for quite some time. In 1991 he turned six (jumping two years somehow). So now, there’s a 40 year old giant bird with a creepy sounding voice pretending that he’s 6 influencing the children of America and around the world.

No wonder our country is going to hell! We have entire generations of children growing up thinking that aging doesn’t happen. When I was young and pointed the enraging fact of Big Bird not aging out to my mother, do you know what she did? She sent me to my room for a nap! We keep sleeping on this major issue and LOOK WHAT HAPPENS. Ice caps melting, rainforests, gone, unnecessary wars!

Don’t even get me started on the fact that the poor bird lives in a city with barely any grass in sight…