Sprint I Loathe Thee

Bad Sprint jokes I made up while on the phone wasting two hours of my life:

For being called Sprint you sure don’t move very fast.

It is a little ironic that you asked me to call back from a land line because the phone I was on (a Sprint phone) had poor service.

So, the story—well let me first say that I might be a little spastic and ADD-like in this entry because I just wasted the last two hours of my life being transferred from person to person in Sprint’s wondrous network of good humored, clueless, individuals.

What did I want to do that it took so long to not accomplish anything? All I wanted to do was transfer my number out of a family plan into a plan in my name. I was told by approximately ten individuals in the last two hours that this was possible, only to find out that it is not possible, not at all.

I gave out my social security number and address to two random strangers from the southern united states that are probably opening their own cell phone accounts through other providers as we speak. I was asked why in fact I want to keep my phone number. I heard about fifty different pronunciations of my last name (that I pronounced for them about eighty times) and none of their takes on it were correct.

I threatened to switch services to AT&T about ten times and got very little response. I was hung up on twice and transferred more times than I am years old. I found myself carelessly discussing the cost of hand guns in the Cabela’s flier when I had been on hold (with a constant 30 second loop of hold music) for over five minutes.

I considered drinking beer (I am now). I considered the meaning of life and how warm it was where the people I was speaking to were sitting. I even considered how bad it would really be if I had no cell phone at all.

You folks that reside in Wisconsin have likely dealt with the horrible state of what Charter calls customer care—well this was worse. Because quite frankly I would rather be bitched at for several minutes than smiled at for two hours and still accomplish nothing.

So long story short—screw Sprint, I’ll try At&t…at least they don’t have a name that gives the illusion of speed.