My Second Up North Adventure, Day 3 of 3

I’ve only been here two and a half days but it feels like I’ve already lost myself—no, that phrasing is almost entirely wrong—perhaps I have already FOUND myself again. Me—the person who laughs as the quirky chipmunk outside cleans off his tail after stepping through some unsightly matter or another—me—that strains my ears for the haunting call of the loon. Me, who sprints from the house with my binoculars as dusk sets in hard because I see water birds of some sort far out on the bay. Me that spends hours staring intently at deer tracks wondering how old they are…me that is disgusted with myself for loving this place, this land, so much—yet only spending (at most) three weeks a year here. I feel like my soul knows this place but my mind does not—and I’m disgusted with that fact.

I have to leave today in order to be at my childhood home tomorrow for Easter—a holiday I don’t believe in but a family that I do. A family that doesn’t question me when I head to this house up north alone…a family that may silently worry about my perpetual loner status but does not say a word (well, they don’t say MANY words. There are of course the occasional hookup attempts by my mother and the mentions of future nieces and nephews by my father). They put up with me, and sure they only selectively listen when I go on spiels about the environment, but at least they listen at all.

I hate the city for all of the obvious reasons and love this place for all of the obvious reasons as well, but there’s more to it than that (as is always the case with love and hate). I have many great friends in the city, but none of them truly grasp my beliefs (and, well, the facts) about the environment and civilization. SOME will humor me and half listen as I explain my passions, but most won’t even do that.

Here in the woods with no human companionship I find many who agree and understand. Here, be it the chipmunk , the merganser, the birch or the eagle, they all not only understand, but agree. Here the wind wraps me in hugs of understanding. Here my muse is not smothered beneath concrete and light pollution.

I don’t want to go “home” when I know deep down that I am actually leaving it.

I took all of the pictures in this post and added frames using Adobe InDesign.